Thursday, May 19, 2005

My, um, dog ate it...or something

Ha, ha. Those guys over at the National Association of Manufacturers (NAM) have such a sense of humor. Of course, I'd probably be yucking it up more too, if I controlled both houses of Congress and the guy I elected bought was sitting in the White House.

NAM's "Workplace Watch" this month has a hilarious list compiled by of "pretty weird excuses" that people have used to play hooky from work. Things like:
  • I was sprayed by a skunk.
  • I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.
  • My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.
Yupp, workers say the darnedest things!

A little further down, NAM gives a ringing endorsement to H.R. 739, one of the four OSHA deform bills introduced by Congressman Charlie "OSHA Killed the Tooth Fairy" Norwood (R-GA). H.R. 739 gives employers a little extra time in case they accidentally forget to appeal OSHA citations by the 15 day deadline if they can show "mistake, inadvertence, surprise, or excusable neglect" as the reason.


Well, guess what? The Humor Department over here at Confined Space world headquarters has come up with its own top ten list of excuses employers give for not appealing their OSHA citations on time:
  • My secretary lost it.
  • My computer's memory isn't big enough to download the whole thing.
  • I was too busy providing hours of comprehensive safety and health training to my most valuable resources.
  • I thought it was junk mail.
  • I was too busy disciplining employees for injuries suffered because they weren't working safely.
  • My lawyer was busy working on my tax fraud case
  • It was too heavy, I was afraid I'd get a back injury.
  • I took it on a hunting trip and my dog vomited on it so I had to throw it out.*
  • I gave it to one of my employees to hold on to, but he was crushed in a trench collapse and it was too messy to read.
  • Give me a break! I've had traffic tickets that cost me more than this.
  • But I gave money to President Bush's re-election campaign last year!

This was an actual excuse given by former OSHA Director of Health Standards, Leonard Vance, in the mid-1980's for not being able to provide his meeting records to a Congressional committee investigating possible illegal meetings with company representatives.