Sunday, December 05, 2004

Don't Worry, Be Happy: Bush supporters are all going to shrivel up and die

So I'm reading Maureen Dowd this morning about about how "having a president and vice president who scared us to death about terrorists to get re-elected" is going to cause us all to age prematurely as shown in the recent study that showed that "the stress causes the DNA in our cells to shrink, and sort of curl down on itself, until the cells can no longer replicate." and then I'm reading America Coming Together Director Steve Rosenthal's column today about how it wasn't moral values that won the election for Bush Version 2.2, but fear of terrorism.

And then I realized that everything will be OK. Because people who voted for Bush did so because he succeeded in terroizing them about terrorism, and causing bad dreams about gay marriage and nighmares Teresa Heinz Kerry (and Ted Kennedy and Hillary). In other words, he won the election on raw fear.

Democrats, on the other hand, are centered people brimming with life-prolonging optimism and hope.

Which means that stressed out Republicans will shrivel up and die much earlier than us mellow Democrats.

Unless of course, we get more stressed out at the prospect of four more years of W....


They've got Tom Coburn in the Senate now stressing people out about lesbians in the bathroom and South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint stressing people out about unmarried cohabiting pregnant teachers corrupting their children and Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum spreading fear that gay sex will lead to sex with animals. And then there's Kentucky Senator Jim Bunning who's convinced that Osama himself is hiding out in some small town in Western Kentucky plotting to do him in.

No, I think they've got a lock on the fear factor. The future is ours.