Thursday, October 27, 2005

Bush Picks Perfect Supreme Court Candidate

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Juanita Robérts.

She not only shares many important qualifications of recent successful SCOTUS nominees, but she avoids these “problem areas” defined by the White House:

  • No litmus test on religion or abortion. (Litmus quizzes, however, are OK)
  • No judicial activist. (It's not considered “activist” to overturn laws or reverse previous court decisions addressing workplace safety, the environment, disability, civil rights, women’s right to choose, homosexuality, presidential powers, freedom of the press, the right to life, right to die, right to organize, right to strike, right to sue, right to legal representation, right to privacy, separation of church and state, or the way we choose the President.)
  • No one working in the area bounded by Constitution Ave, 15th St., I St and 17th St. K St., on the other hand, is just fine.
  • Must be fluid in Reddish (That’s a language used to secretly communicate certain “signals” to Bush’s right-wing religious base, without Democrats or the liberal press being able to understand them.