Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Every Move You Make: Hi Tech Solution To The Immigrant Problem

How did I miss this?

I got an e-mail today from a friend across the seas who wondered if this was real:
Proposal to Implant Tracking Chips in Immigrants
By Bill Christensen

Scott Silverman, Chairman of the Board of VeriChip Corporation, has proposed implanting the company's RFID tracking tags in immigrant and guest workers. He made the statement on national television on May 16.

Silverman was being interviewed on "Fox & Friends." Responding to the Bush administration's call to know "who is in our country and why they are here," he proposed using VeriChip RFID implants to register workers at the border, and then verify their identities in the workplace. He added, "We have talked to many people in Washington about using it...."

The VeriChip is a very small Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) tag about the size of a large grain of rice. It can be injected directly into the body; a special coating on the casing helps the VeriChip bond with living tissue and stay in place. A special RFID reader broadcasts a signal, and the antenna in the VeriChip draws power from the signal and sends its data. The VeriChip is a passive RFID tag; since it does not require a battery, it has a virtually unlimited life span.

RFID tags have long been used to identify animals in a variety of settings; livestock, laboratory animals and pets have been "chipped" for decades. Privacy advocates have long expressed concerns about this technology being used in human beings.
"Dude," I informed him, "Of course it's real." This is America -- beacon of those yearning to be free -- and we're under attack by hordes of darkskinned people streaming practically unimpeded across our border. Who's to say one of them won't decide chuck a grenade into a tank of hydrofluoric acid at the neighborhood chemical plant while on his way down to pick tomatoes? And I'm surprised President Bush hasn't picked it up. It's the perfect way to make sure his proposed "guest workers" don't overstay their welcome.

But these don't really deal with the aliens entering illegally. They clearly need to be tagged before coming over the border. There may be some support for this. According to the same article,
Colombian President Alvaro Uribe allegedly remarked that microchips could be used to track seasonal workers to visiting U.S. senators Jeff Sessions (Alabama) and Arlen Specter (Pennsylvania). "President Uribe said he would consider having Colombian workers have microchips implanted in their bodies before they are permitted to enter the US for seasonal work," Specter told Congress on April 25.
I'm sure we can work something out with other Latin American leaders, perhaps foreign aid targeted at tagging people at birth.

But why stop there? These are just passive tags that only be read from a few feet away like a supermarket scanning codes. Surely we can figure out how to implant GPS trackers so we know where they all are at all times. But we can go further. All of you who saw Mission Impossible III remember the mini-bombs implanted in agents' brains (through their noses) so that if they escape, the bad guys can liquefy their brains by remote control. That'll teach those illegals to overstay their welcome.

Clearly this technology has domestic applications as well. We could implant all workers with chips that contain work (union organizing) history, medical (job injury) history, legal (frivolous lawsuit) history, etc. And it could keep workers from wondering places they shouldn't be and talking (organizing) people they shouldn't be talking to.

(Oops, someone already thought of that. Damn.)

Hell, it's such a good idea, I may just go out and get chipped myself. No more having to worry about forgetting my ID when I fly. In fact, I'll chip the whole family. I'll finally know where my kids really are. (Oops somebody already thought of that too -- and he's an ex-cabinet secretary.)

And with immigrant and labor issues resolved, our legislators can finally focus on things that really matter, like the epidemic of flag burning, saving the lives of the pre-born and the undead, and prohibiting man-on-dog marriage.